Aaron Riveroll | Photographer

Do you ever notice how some things just aren’t good anymore? I used to watch this program called Attack of the Show (formerly The Screen Savers) and I admit I enjoyed the quirky techie news. I enjoyed looking at Sarah Lane and hearing her *speed read* through the latest headlines. But Kevin Rose left. And I’m not saying he was the glue that held the show together, the very pillar everyone else depended on…but I am saying the show is now missing something. I tune in now and it just seems sort of lame. I tuned in tonight and there was a large dude cohosting with “the other Kevin,” and he occasionally nodded and did the whole “uh-huh” thing; basically like he didn’t know what was going on. And I guess they were going to show some video feed, but due to some technical difficulties, it didn’t play. What’s up with that, guys? Aside from Sarah Lane looking so hot, I just don’t have the desire to tune in anymore.

The same goes for Saturday Night Live. I mean, come on! It once was a great time passer and a hoot to watch. There are some classic sketches that will forever be remembered (Schmidts Gay, Chippendales’, the Motivational Speaker, etc.) and there were some greats that emerged as comic stars. But now, it just isn’t funny. Is it possible that they ran out of jokes? Whatever the reason, the show just ain’t good no more. And don’t even get me started on ER…

One by one, the original cast members have moved on to bigger and better things; the most recent is Noah Wyle, the last original cast member. I’ve heard rumors of Sherry Stringfield (an original member who left for a while) thinking about leaving County General as well. Pretty soon, that show may lose a little something too.

Basically, people leave. Move on to other things. And when the cool people leave, whatever they are leaving loses the coolness factor. Which is yet another reason the move from UBOC is good. All the cool people are leaving. I’m cool, so I must go where the party is. :) I don’t know…just thought that was a funny social observation as I sit here bored out of my mind watching t.v. Ooooh, Monk is coming on. I’ll check that one. :)

Hello people! I’ve been staying busy as ever…right now, I’m taking a break to blog in the midst of laundry and car washing. I even cut my hair, just to show you how productive I’m being. :)

The last 24 hours have been fun-filled. Work was dumb as always; but I didn’t really do much work. I’ll admit it. I just don’t care if so-and-so needs their loan documents on Monday or if someone’s rate lock is going to expire. I don’t care if they need conditions reviewed or if a sales manager is requesting a “rush” (which by the way, doesn’t mean a darn thing to me anymore). But, I am going to do my best the next two weeks. I promise.

After work, we headed over (after much confusion) to Players Bar and Grill for happy hour, since the 94th Aero Squadron was packed out. But we had a nice time, tossed back a couple cold ones, and just schmoozed. Cardenas’s last day was on Wednesday, so we wanted to send him off properly. There was a ESPN NFL cheerleader special on the big screen, and our cute waitress even brought me two extra tacos; I wonder what that means?? She must have picked up on my overwhelming machismo. ;) But we definitely had a good time.

Brian and I then took off and went over to Deanna’s place; she was cooking for us because she’s just awesome like that. Danny met us there and we ate a beefy stew with noodles and tossed back a couple more cold ones. She even gave us cookies and milk. :) When we were done with dinner and cookies, we met a small group at The Blarney Stone, a small little pub-like establishment up by Clairemont. It was good seeing some people I hadn’t seen in a while and watching the scandalous antics up at the front of the bar. ;)

Anyway, a good time was had, I slept hard…and now I have a busy afternoon including a photo shoot and dinner with Scott and Keri. So I will write more later.

Well my friends, it’s official. Another chapter in my life will soon be over, with another just beginning. I have resigned my position at Union Bank of California and accepted a position at Washington Mutual. I’ve been with UBOC for almost three years and I have enjoyed my time there and learned a lot. I came in not knowing anything to being one of the oldest, more experienced wholesale processors. I’m going to miss my team and my friends, but even though I’m a little nervous and scared I think this will be an exciting opportunity for me. I mostly will be doing the same thing I’m doing now; a little different, but mostly the same. I will be a little closer to home, so I can save some dinero on gas. I will be making a little more, so I can take all you ladies out for dinner. :) And it will be a good atmosphere too. But different. And you know how I deal with change. So, I ask for your prayers as I go into this new venture. It should be fun.

So I just read through my previous post and realized that it made absolutely no sense whatsoever. But that’s life, kids. It was more of a venting session for me since I needed someone to listen to me go off and there was no one here to share with. Besides that, all that fancy wording, metaphor, etc just to say I think I may like a girl and I don’t quite know what to do with it. My new attitude would say Carpe Diem. After all, I would regret losing the moment down the road. But I’m just not quite sure how to approach it, or how to even acknowledge these new feelings I’m finally admitting to myself. That is the jist.

Today was yet another day at work. Some cheeseball chewed me out on the phone; but he’s really an insignificant loser and likes to whine when he doesn’t get his way. I could care less. I always thought it would be great to continue in this business as a mortgage broker; but when it becomes all about the dollar and treating people like crap, that is where I have to draw the line. Most of these fools are manipulators, liars, and greedy money grubbing idiots. Who wants to live like that? I would rather be poor and happy than rich and a jerk. Seems like the words “rich” and “jerk” go very well together, don’t they?

Brian and myself went out with two of our “colleagues” tonight; two lovely ladies from our friendly, Poway neighborhood UBOC branch. We took in the movie Four Brothers, which was an interesting flick. Not sure what I think about it yet, so I will get back to you. But we had a good time.

Anyway, gotta get to bed. Good night for now.

I am in an interesting mood right now. I started writing a letter to a friend I had just seen a few hours ago; but yet, I stopped because it was pathetic. So then I resorted to the vast hole that is MySpace, yet I found myself looking, staring, lost, confused. More confused than anything else.

This same friend (to whom I started writing) wrote in her blog some of the things that I have been feeling for a while. It seems we are going through some of the same stuff, emotion-wise. I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not the greatest friend; my closest friends sometimes get annoyed at how closed I am. Here I am thinking I am as open as I can possibly be, yet there things going on inside my head and my heart that you wouldn’t even believe. A battle raging. I just can’t find the way to share, to open myself to vunerability. Maybe, in a sense, I feel I’m softening the blow by building walls; setting myself up for the worst. I’ve been disappointed many times in my life (who hasn’t), but I think it’s made me become this person who always expects the worst. I let myself have this glimmer, this miniscule, tiny bit of hope…I don’t climb as high as I can because I figure if I fall, I won’t have that far to go.

Let me give you some examples from my past…there was a girl in junior high and her name was Sarah. We were in choir and art together. She was a cool chick. Very cool. Ultra cool. But for some reason, it wasn’t until after high school that I realized that the feelings I had for her were actually more. A crush, if you will. I didn’t admit it because maybe I thought it was insignificant. Or maybe I was afraid to admit to myself, and to the world, that I had feelings for this person. They were small feelings, but they were feelings…and I just ignored them and waved them away, like a fly buzzing in my ear. It’s like they weren’t even there because I missed my chance. But that was a long time ago. We were still good friends and maybe I just let it stay that way because things were comfortable. Maybe I was afraid of loosing what I had? Maybe I thought these feelings were so insignificant that they weren’t worth mentioning.

I think it’s the last one. I think it’s because I didn’t want to start a hoopla over something that probably wouldn’t pan out. There’s a song from the movie Dick Tracy called “What can you lose?” that covers this topic nicely:

What can you lose?
Only the blues.
Why keep concealing everything you’re feeling?
Say it to her, what can you lose?
Maybe it shows,
She’s had clues, which she chose to ignore.
Maybe though she knows,
And just wants to go on as before.
As a friend, nothing more
So she closes the door.

Well, if she does
Those are the dues.
Once the words are spoken,
Something may be broken.
Still, you love her
What can you lose?

But what if she goes?
At least now, you have part of her.
What if she had to choose?

Leave it alone
Hold it all in.
Better a bone
Don’t even begin.
With so much to win,
There’s too much to lose.

These days I’m up to the same old tricks. Again, there is a cool girl in the picture. She’s hot too. Yes, it’s logisitcally possible to be both. :) But for the first time in the many years I’ve known her, I’ve only recently admited to myself that I *might* have feelings for her. I’ve always told myself she was “like a sister to me.” Ugh! Those are the same, dreaded words that the nice guy always hears. What was I thinking?!? :)

Now, don’t misinterpret the above paragraph for infatuation by any means. Well, perhaps a little bit of infatuation. :) Maybe more than just infatuation, too. These feelings have been around for a while and are only recently being talked about, discussed, and admitted. And all that just to say I am not as open of a book as I thought I was.

And what’s my major malfunction this time? What has become the excuse? Is she too good for me? (Well, she is, but that’s beside the point). Not my type? I’ve used that excuse a million times. Or maybe I don’t want to make a big deal about it? Why talk to my friends about it? It’s not that they’ll be judgemental (they never have been), but maybe it’s because when I finally admit it to them, I’m admitting it to myself. It makes it real. And at that point, I’m setting myself up for disappointment. Maybe I’m afraid she’ll get wind of my feelings and freak out like many other girls have in the past (which is funny, because I saw one such girl in passing this weekend…but that’s another story altogether…)

I’ve talked myself out of this one too long, I think. But just like all my other personality flaws (I admit I have them), who knows if this is something that can be fixed??

But it’ll be interesting to see, though, won’t it? Stick around for the next chapter.

New, in the gallery, you will find behind the scenes photos of the photo shoot with Megs as well as some fabulous party pictures. Enjoy! (Thanks to Chez Fat, for some of the party pics and the behind the scenes photos. You are the man. Don’t forget that.)

Party Pictures
Behind the Scenes with Megs

I sure have been partying like it is. It’s definitely out of my character, but it has been amazing to spend time with friends this weekend. Last night was spaghetti and Expose Yourself at my place; Little Megs and others came over to my house and I enjoyed the pleasure of their company. We went and bought groceries and Megan made us a heaping pile of spaghetti. Now, for those of you that don’t know me, let me just tell you that 1) I can eat my own weight in spaghetti and 2) had it not been for a lack of a ring, and the fact that she’s too good for me, I would have proposed marriage to Megs. Spaghetti, people, is the way to my heart…and Megan knows how to cook it. I still have a huge pot of it in my fridge. *HUGE grin* Also, thanks to Schmitty for being our designated bartender.

Today was chock filled with excitement. As in my previous post, we had a photo session with Megs at Sunset Cliffs down by the beach. We got some amazing pictures and had a blast too. We always have fun at our photo sessions…that’s the way it should be, right? We would have gotten a little sun, but it was hiding. That’s better lighting for photos anyway. But it was nice being outside and in the water. Except it was a bit cold (sorry Megs!).

After running a few errands and hanging a bit at Mel’s apartment, we had our photo shoot at Balboa Park. This was equally as fun and quite the adventure. Again, some amazing photographs were taken (because of the model, of course). Had an amazing time.

After that, we proceeded to Schmitty’s going away extravaganza, where I saw a variety of people. It was a good time. We had food, beverage, good people, entertainment (thanks to Evan’s self-defense class in the middle of the living room). And you know it was a good party because the cops showed up (too bad I wasn’t there for that one). Who knows if the party is still going on…I was tired. One tuckered little guy. I had a long day…and in my old age, I can’t take this much excitement. This day, however, will go down in history in yet another random day in the life of Aaron Riveroll. Gosh, I hadn’t had this random of a day since the July 4th Brian and I had a few years ago. I’ll have to tell you about it sometime. Maybe Brian will write about it in the “Stories” section of his website. Only time will tell. But definitely stay tuned for photos…there are a few hundred I have to go through (I know Megs won’t mind). And Brian has some good ones on his cam from the part-ay and the shoot. Stay tuned. Also hope to have Fact Finding Missions: Episode 2 done tomorrow. Danny and I visit LAPD headquarters in downtown LA; and make some friends. Be sure to check that out too.

Good night for now!

I just got home a little while ago from a photo shoot with Little Megs. Good stuff. Even though I had to wake up and an ungodly hour, it was fun shooting on the beach. My camera and I romped and played in the waves. Megs did too. Got some really nice shots, though. I have stolen Danny’s word, “Dammit,” because frankly, that’s the only word that comes to mind when thinking about the sheer hotness of this girl. I have expressed this several times.

So now I’m going to shower and get ready for round two. Talk about a marathon photo shoot day. Stay tuned for photos. :)

Oh, and on a side note, I was driving home from Sunset Cliffs and I must have seen like two or three astro-jumps set up in various locations. What is up with that?

“Yay, it’s Saturday!! Let’s jump up and down!!!”

Not.

So I’ve been kind of down lately; as in the past several days. It’s annoying and depressing to work with people who just don’t get it. It’s draining. It makes you want to scream. It’s painful when you can’t get anything done. I had one of the worst days today…I was so exasperated it wasn’t even funny. Then when I was getting ready to leave for the day, I went to my mailbox and pulled out my timecard to fill it out. I was also surprised to find a letter marked “Personal and confidential.” It was from one of our brokers, who I thought hated me. Apparently they don’t hate me that much…they sent a really nice thank you card which the whole team signed which really made my day. They also gave me a gift card to P.F. Changs. That really made me smile. It was definitely a nice way to end an absolutely horrible day. So, anyone want to go to dinner? I need a date. :)

I spent a quiet evening watching my big TV, playing bass (yes, I’m teaching myself how to play bass. :) ) and chatting with my roommate. Also, thanks to my dad, Monique, Brian, Shea, and everyone else I complained to today for listening to my rants. Tomorrow is Friday…and it’s another day. *deep breath*

And Little Megs is in town. Yay!

…but jeez, 9 to 1?? I think they only got that one point because we decided to stay past the 8th inning. And as you all know, I bring good luck wherever I go. :)

It was a good time hanging with Mahina, Abby, and John. Photos to come soon.

**Update**
Photos are now in the gallery. Check them out.