Seriously, what is wrong with me? Alright, well, you don’t really have to give me an answer, but it sort of makes you wonder. I am, after all, the pathetic nice guy by reputation. But how pathetic does it get? Last night on my drive home, I was sitting at a stop light. I was [...]
Seriously, what is wrong with me? Alright, well, you don’t really have to give me an answer, but it sort of makes you wonder. I am, after all, the pathetic nice guy by reputation. But how pathetic does it get? Last night on my drive home, I was sitting at a stop light. I was thinking about a girl. I was wondering why I haven’t talked to this girl in ages. I thought of ways to contact her, to see her again…and then I was painfully reminded that in the past several months, I have already made several attempts to communicate with her, all of which have been ignored. I mean seriously, how busy can a person be?? Is there something so overwhelmingly annoying about myself that people can’t bring themselves to return a call or an email from me?? I’m a pretty busy guy, but I think even I could manage a few seconds to tell someone, “You aren’t worth my time.” At the very least, that would be nice.
But it sucks that being friends with someone, or wanting to be friends with someone, has to take so much effort on my part.
Let’s once again look at the girl who never returned my calls. She was cute and she was funny, but let’s face it, she dissed me. And even though she’s now dating the second largest city in Texas, I still think about her still have sad feelings. I keep thinking how cool it could have been with her…even though the voices in my head tell me she isn’t worth it. Those voices seem to always talk some sense into me, after the patheticness sets in. The simple fact that I think about her is pathetic; wouldn’t you think I would have gotten over her by now? I don’t think it’s the thought of her, necessarily. I think it’s the thought of me making all of these efforts to think of people – to write, call, IM, fax, message via carrier pidgeon – but yet I don’t seem to be worth the reciprocal efforts.
I guess the bottom line is that I am pathetic. I am a pathetic nice guy because I put so much effort into keeping people around that really don’t care; a pathetic nice guy on the verge of giving up. At times, it makes me wonder who my friends really are. And it makes me wonder if all the efforts, thoughts, and worries I have are worth my time.
And then I think to myself, “everything is bigger in Texas.” Yee haw.